Monday, June 25, 2012

Bings & Blooms

Bings & Blooms, 6x8 oil on canvas.  Bid on eBay
Warmer colors and warmer shadows seems to be the theme here.  I've fallen in love with warm shadows.  I used to subscribe to the "rule" of cool light, warm shadows, and vise versa but I've  since realized there is a lot more to painting than rules and technique.  At any rate, I DID chill up the light but only slightly.  Enough to say it is merely cooler than the shadows.  Most importantly, I'm happy with the result.  

How often can we say that?  Can anyone honestly say, "no regrets".. ever?  Doubtful.  And I certainly have mine.  I am working daily on that.  I recently read that painting with sensitivity requires living with sensitivity so it seems my painting will (hopefully) reflect more, much more, sensitivity in these current days and years to come. 

My experiences of caring for my mother these last 6 years have taught me a lifetime of lessons.  I only wish I had the "good fortune" to have learned them sooner in my own life and not have waited until I was nearly 50. 

I learned that my mother was a person.  Who knew?  She began as a little girl with a mother and father just like I did only in a hugely different culture.  She was raised in the Mid West in the 1930's, an only child in a town hardly big enough for a post office and one brick school housed k-12.  She was a fun loving teen and a beautiful young woman who married a handsome veteran of the Korean War.  Sadly, his new government job transferred them to the Pacific Northwest away from everything she knew.  Friends and family were a long distance call or snail mail away.  Every couple of years warranted a flight back for a visit.   A fleeting grasp on an otherwise lonely day to day existence. 

My mom had 3 kids in 4 years.  And she raised them without help from hardly anyone as everyone she knew and loved was 1500 miles away.  My dad was a good provider and her soul mate.  They subscribed to the early Midwest  culture as I saw it - Dad brings home the bacon and Mom fries it up in the pan.  If you know what I mean.  Mom did the bulk of the child rearing.  She did that out of respect and consideration for her hard working husband.  After all, we 3 kids were not planned and so a bit of a cog in the gears.  3 babies in 4 years would be a cog in anyone's gears.

I could blame all my woes on my mom.  A lot of us do.  I watch a lot of cop shows and that seems to be the cause for most of the serial killers.  Bad parenting.  I suspect my own children will carry some resentment towards my choices and parenting skills or lack there of.  And rightly so as I was a very young parent with little help myself and struggled from day to day like so many.  But I dont blame my mom for any of my faux pas.  I take full responsibility for my choices.  Apparently, I am a slow learner but the good news is that I eventually do learn. 

I have learned to look inside other people and not just at them.  I have learned discernment is more than simply analyzing behavior.  It's a sensitivity to why the behavior.  I've learned that we are molded by our past, what others have said and done to us and also by our hopes and dreams and how they pan out.  Not just me but everyone around me.  You and your neighbor too.  And the mailman.  And the annoying phone solicitors at 5 PM when you're trying to put dinner together.   We all have a history.  Good or bad it's our story.  How we read it is a whole 'nother animal.

1 comment:

Roseanne Campagna said...

Thanks for sharing this.