Friday, September 28, 2012

12x16 oil on canvas.I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be an artist.  Just in case there was any question about it.  I've always seen the world a little differently.  That is - different from those who would not consider themselves artistically inclined.  Perhaps not so different from other "artists" though.  I'm not sure I'm extraordinarily unique in any approach, technique or vision but I can say for sure that it's a big part of who I am and always has been.

So what does one do with that information??  Once you can finally say, 'yep, I'm an artist', what's next?  Had I made this revelation 10 years ago, I may have had an easier time at gallery representation.  I was younger with more ambition and there were more galleries around.  Unfortunately, my conclusion came just after an economy collapse affecting galleries nationally and causing many to shut their doors.   As well as the death of both of my parents and a SLEW of to many life changing events to mention here.  I'm a little fried in the ambition department.   :( 

So now what?  There are still a bazillion galleries out there toughing out the economic climate.  I've been through many of them myself and my conclusion is, the economy is not to blame for my lack of representation.  There are still avid collectors out there purchasing art.   If representation is what I want then I have to go out and get it.  Do I want it?

What I really need to do is have some concrete goals in mind that I can focus on and take the appropriate paths to get there.  The hard part is determining those goals.  Where do I really want to go with my artwork?  And how much energy am I willing to spend to get there?

I realize I've been in survival mode for some time now and getting off that carousel can be daunting indeed.  In fact, when I stop to analyze my future, I end up exhausted, pick up one of my art magazines and float into my happy place.  It may be time for a heart to heart with a good friend who can help me get on track. 

In a perfect world I would paint to my hearts content, ship my painting to a gallery who would then sell the painting and request another which would be standing by in my studio.  Lather, rinse, repeat. 

That sounds good, doesn't it?  It's not fame and fortune I'm after but identity, purpose, contentment.  And let's face it... legacy.    It would be nice if my boys had something other than sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and peanut butter banana milkshakes to remember me for.  I am, after all, more than a mom, wife and sister.  I am much more complex than that.   I am an artist. 

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