Monday, August 06, 2012

Clay Pot #2

Clay Pot #2, 9x12, oil on canvas.

Ever feel inadequate? says:


not adequate  or sufficient; inept or unsuitable.
If I had a dime for every time I felt inadequate as a painter I'd certainly be a rich woman by now.  What's odd is that when I finish a painting (usually) I am quite satisfied as an artist. I feel fulfilled, happy, productive.  In fact, the finish of a painting is defined by how satisfied I am.  In other words.  I know it's done when I can step back and say, "now that's what I'm talking about!" 
But, from time to time, I get into a painting only to step back and say, "?".   So I'm looking at the painting and I'm wondering what's it going to take to make this work? Then I realize that I've strayed so far off my concept that the only way to make it work is to start over.  It's a WIPER.

*Wipers - paintings unworthy of a canvas and wiped off before drying.  

I have a few more wipers than I'd care to admit.  And I'll also admit that when that happens, I begin to feel inadequate. 

On the brighter side, I believe I've wiped a few in recent months that in years past would have made it into a frame.  I've set the bar higher.  And that means growth.  I expect more from myself now.  I self critique more frequently through out the painting process.  I am tough on details like edges, color temperature, tangent lines and so forth.

A problem with regularly setting the bar higher is that it becomes difficult to impossible to ever catch up.  I'm never good enough for myself.  That's a problem.  That leaves me with feelings of inadequacy quite often.  What I do with those feelings is really what it's all about.  Do I give up?  No.  I do not.  Sometimes I drag my feet a little.  Fear of failure can do that.  But eventually, I 'pull myself up by my bootstraps' so to speak and get on with the show.  After all, it's supposed to be fun, right?  

Okay, so I have a few wipers now and then.  But when I look back I see a lot of growth.  That's what I'm after.  I know that I am in the process of achieving my goals!  Because I am improving, in my opinion.  And that's what matters!


myra anderson said...

amen sister! sometimes i think another word for artist is suffer-er! your paintings are wonderful! love your work!

Dustin said...

I somehow don't think your sentiments are all that unusual. I've deleted, trashed, and forgotten more than I've written, and I have written a fair amount.

Mary Rochelle said...

Your painting is beautiful, the colors are clean, the lighting interesting and the objects have good dimension. Pleasing composition. Your blog is wonderfully written and really reflects your kind and caring personality. Bravo!